Even Supergirl falls off the sky, sometimes.

I suck as a blogger. As a matter of fact, I shouldn't even dare calling myself a blogger. I don't post as often as I should and really, what was the point of opening up another blog account if I was just going to abandon it?

I'm sorry...

Is it possible to use my hectic schedule as a reason, though? It's been horrifying, lately. I wonder why I'm still alive and not in a room in a hospital with an IV needle stuck in my veins. I'm not sure what my colleagues, my bosses especially, at the office think of me, but it seems all of them believed I had the stamina and patience of a goddess, which I hadn't. Imagine three superiors ordering you to do three different tasks at once. Imagine doing that and not falling apart at the end of the day.

Okay so maybe I can't complain. It's a choice I've made to work there and honestly speaking I'm not sure I had the courage to try applying somewhere else, not to mention a private company where, although it pays more, it also might cause me my early death. Yeah well, it's all 'suffer in order to survive' thing, I guess.

I'm just hoping I won't lose my mind before I turn 30.


Well, speaking of schedule, I guess it's the one thing that ruined the frequency of me updating my fanfictions. This, above all, depresses me the most. I mean, let's not talk about how the readers must feel, let's first talk about how my brain feels. The poor thing is nearly overloaded with too many thoughts to think at once, from work matters to story ideas that haven't met their moment to be written yet. There are lots of new ideas, believe me. There are also still the old ideas, the stories I've already posted but haven't been updated yet.

I've mentioned the new fanfiction I've been writing called Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]. Well, I'm translating it into English too, and have posted the first chapter on LJ already. It's probably the one thing I prioritize the most right now--not saying that I'm putting behind the other stories, like House of Horrors and Love Song and also the 5sentence_fics drabbles (I've been writing the fourth installment! I swear it!). The ideas about that story are still very, very fresh, and I thought it'd be better to focus on Beautiful Lie first. Maybe because the theme is the heaviest, most intense I've worked on until now, but I feel very challenged to get this story on the go.


So I guess, now it's time to do the Fanfic Progress Recap.

• House of Horrors chapter 04 = 06%
• 5sentence_fics the fourth batch (prompts 16-20) = 80%
• Love Song chapter 02 = 08%
• Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] chapter 02 (English) = 0%
• Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] chapter 03 (Indonesian) = 07%

I regrettably say that I'm having a writer's block right now, but I still have the drabbles to do, and I like to think that it helps me a lot whenever I'm having this cursed block in my brain that doesn't allow me to write longer fics.


That's that for now. It's really, really late. I know it's bad but lately I've been going to bed after 1 a.m.

Don't tell my boyfriend; he'll be pissed.

Be willing to be fixed, it's the only way.

Alright... Bad, bad blogger, me. If it counts, I was actually writing my latest fic, it's in Bahasa Indonesia, the title is Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] (yes, it's taken from 30 Seconds to Mars' song because I'm just crazy about this band). It's posted to my facebook notes. But then it's in Indonesian, I don't suppose everyone can read it (unless you know Indonesian).

I seriously had to write it down, simply because the idea had been bugging the crap out of me for weeks. Starting from a silly convo between me and my two friends (which contains, mostly, about a teacher-student relationship), the idea popped up. In my mind it became even more specific, and a hell lot more intense in the matter of conflicts and problems. There are a lot of sensitive issues that I wanted to put in into this story, such as, aside from homoeroticism itself, incest, rape, bullying, family dispute and even a slice of psychological disorder. It's going to be one heck of a story to write, and hopefully it won't get stuck in the middle of the way. Let's cross our fingers for that.

Gracie (a_happy_twat) also asked me if I would do an English version of this fic (basically because she wants to read the UruhaxRuki part... hahaha~). Maybe I will. Well it's one of the heaviest ideas I have ever come up with, so far, so I guess it will be only fair to let everyone else read it too. I wish I had more hours in a day, though, so I could write everything I was thinking of, which is a lot.

With Beautiful Lie, I suppose I have too many to work on right now. I'm listing my unfinished fanfics here and the progress they are going through up until this very moment:

• House of Horrors chapter 04 = 05%
• 5sentence_fics the third batch (prompts 11-15) = 20%
• Love Song chapter 02 = 08%
• Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] chapter 02 = 10%
  

The worst part is, I haven't determined how far those multichapter fics will go. I think that maybe Love Song won't go further than 10 chapters, but I have a tendency to exceed my own expectation *bitter laugh*.

I guess, all that I can do for now is work as hard as my brain allows me to (I wish I was making money out of this). And also pray that I will be given the time to write, that's truly the most important thing of all.



By the way, I can't help noticing that, lately, there have been many Indonesian fanfic authors popping up on the communities. I have to say that I feel very happy. It's nice to know my fellow Indonesians have decided to join the fun. What bothers me is the errors they make. I am not saying that I'm perfect, no, I'm far from that. I make lots of mistakes and I still can't tell which is right and which is wrong in the matter of grammars and structures and tenses. But I've done efforts to fix my mistakes, in the form of finding a beta. I did have a beta, back then (she's been around during Hanabi and Yomenai Kotoba). I have learned a lot from her, and I dare say I have improved from the very first time I wrote in English. And yes, xenocia helped me out too in fixing At the Beginning of an End (and that was probably the most helpful beta job I've ever faced).

That is truthfully the most important thing about having a beta: so that you could LEARN. You need to learn what you did wrong in order to become better in the future. It's what being a human being is all about, isn't it? Life is all about learning. You can't be stuck in one point while the rest of the world is moving ahead of you. If you insist to, then everyone will just leave you behind. The same goes with writing; I SUCKED when I first started. But I wanted to get better, thus I've learned along the way.

I'm just begging you, fellow authors, to consider getting a beta (a COMPETENT one, I might add!) to work the elements of your story. If not for yourself, then for the people you expect to read your story. You might have the most brilliant idea in the universe but if you present it in the wrong way, your idea will just go to waste. And that's a big shame, isn't it?


Speaking of which, I am currently considering getting a new beta, not just anyone, but someone who is patient enough to deal with my schedule and my stubbornness. Someone who can actually TEACH me and tell me what I've done wrong. That'll be nice. Yeah.

I think I should put up an add.

The old means of novel writing.

I meant to update yesterday but I had a fanfic to finish. It was meant for Aoi's birthday, and I actually finished it at 2 a.m. Horrible. I have to do something about this short attention span that I seem to be suffering. It's making me very not productive.

But really, I wanted to get the story done before midnight but I totally failed (and earned my sister's deathglare, because she said she wanted to use the computer too). The story became quite not like how I had planned it to be, at least the ending. Ruki wasn't supposed to be such a coy little baby, but I guess writing in the dead of the night tends to skew me away from the general idea me a story.

But it's posted now (here), and I am pleased to say the responses have been awesome, by far. I guess I'm not the only sucker for a massive dose of fluff XD

And yeah... Happy Birthday, Aoi-sama! It amuses me to imagine he was having a wild birthday orgy last night so I'll just stick to that. I mean, what else you do on your birthday when you have four hot, delicious band mates, right? Well, that's just me.

Tonight my sister is hogging the computer all to herself, I guess I deserve it after what I've done last night. I'm trying not to think that I'm the one who pays for the bills while she's the one who spends the quota. Sometimes I wish I had the heart to wipe out that stupid online game she has installed on the computer. See how that would ruin her mood. She obviously doesn't care about my ruined mood.

Oh well. Back to pen and papers for tonight, it's all that I can do.

Despite the stomach ache, here I am, speaking to you.

So yeah, I have just posted a new fanfic and it's here.

I can't believe it myself, but yes, I have started yet another new multichapter fanfiction. Go on, go ahead and bash me with a table or something. I totally deserve it.

I know, I know there are several titles I have abandoned, some of them I actually love but I simply have lost the inspiration to continue. Life At 16, The Princess and The Witch are two examples. I really, really love those stories, but to get back into it, forcing my brain to come up with some decent new chapters is just too much to bear. It's not like I ever intended to disappoint my readers, especially those who were actually waiting for these stories to be continued. Alright so maybe I don't have a reason that I can say that is acceptable in some degree. It's unforgivable to leave those stories behind, and I'm sorry.

Well, what has brought me into writing this new story, then?

Other than the obvious reasons I have already mentioned on the author's note (mainly the GazettE's song, Shiroki Yuuutsu and some bits of the interviews they had been in), I was intrigued to write another drama because I had re-read Filth in the Beauty and its sequel, Yomenai Kotoba. Yes, yes those are my own story, but those are the first ever drama stories I have written that have successfully made me tear up, and quite miraculously, drawn almost everyone's attention to me (alright, I'm an attention whore!). I realized that I had put a lot of aspects that came from my own personal life, like the conflicts and problems I was going through into those stories, and probably that was why they became intensely emotional. There is something quite addictive about that, writing something emotional that comes close to my real life, and it's probably easier, because, when I am writing what the characters do or how they are supposed to react to a matter, I can just ask myself what I would do.

I don't know if my explanation makes sense, but yeah... The point is, re-reading Filth and YomeKoto intrigued me to write a new story that is based in real lives (not just mine, but also the characters themselves), and maybe yes, the idea has been bugging me for a while so I decided to write it down.



With this, I've got a lot to do. House of Horrors is still on going, but I haven't had the chance to write the new chapter yet. What I like about HoH is that I don't have to think too much in writing it; the words just flowed out when I wanted them to. It's a light, funny story that I might actually need to write, if only to relieve myself from the tension of writing a more serious, intense story. And then I have the 50stories project, there are still some prompts in the table that I haven't done just yet. And then the new 5sentence_fic drabbles, but this one's fun to do.

And... I am also planning to write down Hanabi's sidestory. Yes, the one with Aoi-Uruha as the main characters. Damn, it's been so long since I wanted to write it, but I kept getting sidetracked. But this, too, will have to wait, at least until I get Love Song done... I'm not going to write 20-something chapters for this story, hopefully. It won't be a long one, but still, with March coming in perhaps it's going to meet some obstacles as well.



Shit. That reminds me of March. I'm afraid I won't be able to update too often during March--in fact, I might even be totally absent. I don't even know if I will be able to get online at all. Fuck the company I'm working at. Things are going pretty much from bad to worse at the office, the hatred is everywhere and I am choking in it, and I'm thinking maybe I should go find a new job, as a script writer most preferably.



Well, here is some update from me, for today. By the way, I'm watching Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge the dorama version on youtube right now. Kame as Kyouhei? Well, I wasn't really expecting that. He's not a disappointment. I have to say, though, the one who plays Takenaga is gorgeous!


And here's a little Kame-goodie to lighten up my blog XD


(he makes a cute uke, don't you think?)